CMD. Cookies of Mass Destruction. These explosively chocolaty behemoths blast vegan-libel to smithereens.
“Vegan cookies are always stale.” Detonated in one obscenely fudgy bite.
“Vegan cookies taste like chalk.” Up in a plume of theobromic bliss.
“Vegan cookies are too healthy.” Smothered in the rubble of chocolate morsels and pulverized sugar crystals.
“I would only eat a vegan cookie if I were moldering to death in a fetid dungeon and the alternative were facing a smilodon in the gladiator ring.” Waferized once, twice, three times as the victim gobbles down seconds, thirds, fourths…
There is no missile defense system to take down these shells of cocoa-sucrose fusion. The crumbs will rain down, hot and heavy with their molten chocolate load. The victims will swoon in the ecstasy of release from their stifling bigotry. They will lie in the streets, bodies bloated and oozing chocolate, deep sunken in the cocoa-coma.
Let the vegan revolution begin. Bake cookies.
Chocolate Cookies of Mass Destruction
Adapted from the Post Punk Kitchen
- ½ cup nondairy milk
- 1 tablespoon + 1 teaspoon ground flaxseed
- 2 cups flour
- ¾ cup unsweetened cocoa powder
- 1 teaspoon baking soda
- ½ teaspoon salt
- 1 ½ cups sugar
- ¾ cup oil
- 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
- 1 cup chocolate chips
Preheat the oven to 350° F. Combine the milk and flaxseed with a fork and set aside to gel. Sift together the flour, cocoa powder, baking soda, and salt.
In a separate bowl beat the sugar, oil, vanilla, and flax mixture until smooth. Add dry to wet in batches, mixing until well combined. Stir in the chocolate chips, distributing evenly. The batter will be quite stiff.
Use an ice cream scoop to ladle equal mounds of dough onto a cookie sheet, leaving 1 ½ – 2 inches between mounds. Bake for 10 minutes, rotating pans halfway through. The cookies will look under baked but take them out (this is the secret to seductively fudgy centers). Leave the cookies on the pan for 5 minutes before transferring to a rack.